It’s no secret that AGS members do amazing things. In addition to running your companies, many of you volunteer in your community. We’ve also noticed that quite a few members have interesting passions. In the second installment of “You Do What?” we are putting on our reading glasses and turning the page with AGS member and brand guru Tammy Cohen of TC Brand Consulting, who can now add “award-winning author” to her list of accomplishments.
Tammy’s new book, Text Messages to My Sons: Connecting Deeply in a World of Devices, was published in late 2023. It was recently named a Bookfest Award winner and a finalist in the Next Generation Indie Book Awards. The book examines the paradox of the numerous communication methods available today and the unmistakable disconnection many feel, especially from family and loved ones. We asked Tammy to tell us more about her book and solutions to this issue.
What inspired you to shift from using texts for quick exchanges to using it as a tool for meaningful communication with your sons?
When many of us were growing up, there was no internet, cell phones, or any way to communicate unless we were home or near a landline. Because communication was only available in person or by phone, we made the most of it and had conversations. Over the years, as the usage of computers, laptops, pads, and cell phones became mainstream, the type of conversations radically changed. When email first started happening, conversations started shortening. Then, as cell phones evolved, texting, social media, WhatsApp, etc., it changed how we communicate and relate. Everyone has a phone in their hand today.
Conversations are not happening, and quick exchanges have become the norm. It’s interesting because I did not start this mission of changing the conversation and deepening my connection to my sons to write a book. I just knew I wanted to move from texting reminders, commands, and reprimands to something entirely different.
During the pandemic, amid the shutdown, I took stock of my life and realized I was unhappy. So, I embarked on a journey of personal growth and development. I became deeply engaged in programs with coaches, masterminds, and courses and read nonstop. I was learning so much and wanted to share this knowledge with my kids. However, I realized that in-person conversations were not happening with them, and I understood that I had to reach them where they were and use the format that works best for them: texting. I texted them daily about what I was learning with zero expectations in return. I did not expect a response because this was my outreach to them without conditions. These texts were so heartfelt that my love for them just came forward. I realized that sending love, inspiration, accountability, and sharing knowledge created this incredible energy and impact.
How do you believe your method of using text messages can help parents build stronger connections with their children?
I don’t feel the previous paradigm of the “I’m the parent, and you will automatically trust, respect, listen to me, and love me” or “be seen and not heard” mindset is a viable one. Today, kids are bombarded with information from all sides. We all have an origin story and experience things growing up that shape how we view everything.
I needed to continuously let my sons know how much they mean to me, how much they are loved, and how worthy and valuable they are. In addition, I wanted to be accountable and explain that I could have reacted better to situations. I shared some of my origin stories and how feeling unworthy, resentful, frustrated, and unhappy affected how I acted or spoke to them. When I reacted poorly or behaved a certain way, it was not something they did; it was me dealing with my triggers. I wanted them to see me as a human being and that I could be accountable for my behavior, which made them open to accountability.
My sons started to see me as a human being and someone who could own it. They were proud that I was taking steps to grow and be open. The fact that I cared enough to do this meant volumes to them. Don’t get me wrong, we are not best friends, but we have a better relationship. The reality is that this is not a one-off commitment to messaging here and there. It is a continuous daily practice with no expectations in return.
Your book touches on universally relatable themes such as mindfulness, gratitude, and personal development. How did you choose these themes, and how do they resonate with the messages you sent to your sons?
Each message starts with “good morning” or “afternoon sunshine” (sunshine emoji) and ends with how much I love them (heart emojis). Many of the messages just evolved because I was letting my heart lead. In addition, I had fantastic material that I was learning from unbelievable visionaries who lived years ago and have provided us with outstanding works. Think about it: what took a visionary 30 years to figure out? You have access to it in a book.
When I was working with my editor, we reviewed the hundreds of messages and realized that themes emerged. We created 10 chapter categories and assigned the text messages that resonated with each category. So, in essence, we had 20–30 messages per category. The quotes and information provided are cited and attributed to the correct source.
How has this experience transformed your relationship with your sons, and what impact has it had on your family dynamics?
My goal was to become someone that my sons wanted to hear from. My texts to them previously consisted of “Where are you?” “What do you want?” “What did you do or forget?” “How much money did you spend or need?”
When I started changing the message types, my sons noticed. They became more engaged. They felt loved and inspired. They appreciate that someone cares about them enough to take the time to tell them how extraordinary they are. They feel that even if their day goes sideways with challenges, they are bulletproof.
Love and gratitude have the highest energy frequencies, and hate and anger have the lowest vibrating frequencies. Every time I send a message, I release this incredible positive energy, and the recipient of the message (my sons) releases high-frequency energy when they read the message. Think about the impact globally if we took it upon ourselves to create this high energy level and message someone we love or are concerned for. This light will wipe out evil.
I also made sure to involve them on the publishing side; I asked for their feedback on editing, formatting choices, and cover design. I asked them to write the forward. I have included them in book events, social media posts, and marketing opportunities. They have also shared the book with their friends, networks, and business colleagues. When I read their forward, I knew that what I was doing had a deep impact.
What advice would you give to others who are interested in writing while maintaining a successful professional life?
It is all about being consistent and time management. Writing does not happen independently; you must make the time to write. Designate a time daily to write and be mindful of keeping notes as things come into your head. A great concept and idea can come about any time; take a moment to write it down or add it to the notes section of your phone or open a Word document and add it. My email has many drafts with ideas, thoughts, and quotes. These become sources for texts.
What is excellent and exciting is that once you make the time and go all in, the words come out of you, and it is beautiful because everything around you falls into alignment.
Text Messages to My Sons: Connecting Deeply in a World of Devices is available on Amazon.
